OK, it’s Tuesday. Not a good day. I had my day planned, then unplanned for me. So, now what to do.
I’m trying to use my time better. Trying to realize now is the day. Not next week, not next year. Today. Trying to live in the moment. I’ve always been the kind that thought it should of been done yesterday. Patience has never been my best quality. Coming from 2 people that talked everything to death, never did any of it… I want it done, or shut up. One half of those people could never make a decision… besides NO. I make fast decisions on the spot, now. Just works better for me.
But then, when someone else gets to decide that you’re not going to do what you planned to do… it’s a whole new ball game. I blame a lack of communication. Shoulda, coulda, duh. I should of said, what time, how long. Not, I’ll see you on Tuesday. When you say something stupid like that… you just gave them complete control over your entire day… maybe even your night. I’m at a time in my life, also circumstances, I’d like to control the rest of my time/life…. even down to what I do today.
Sound selfish? That’s just too bad. I’ve earned selfish. My turn… I’ve had my hand up longer… My expectations have not been high… let’s get that straight. Oh, no… I got the crumbs, and made up my mind to be happy with them. Kissed a lot of rear to get those crumbs. But, as I said, now… right now… in my life… I’ve decided all that kissing really got me no where. Just a really bad smell. And shame… shame for keeping my mouth shut, shame for pretending I wasn’t being insulted over and over…
OK, I’ve beat my chest enough. Let’s just say, all of that fun stuff is over. Definitely over. In a big way. I have been enlightened. God tapped me on the shoulder and said… you have been stupid long enough. Do something different. big smile….
Amazing what you can hear when you listen. I know this hasn’t made a minute of sense, but it really made me feel good. 
Saying it out loud is the best therapy, the next is not being judged. My friend, Kathleen is the best friend therapist. No, I won’t share her. She’ll listen, and actually hear what you’re saying. She might not agree with what you’ve done, but she tries to understand your side, be your friend, and not judge. That, my friends, is a quality that isn’t around near enough. I’m gonna practice it, until I get almost as good as Kathleen. Being around someone you look up to, only brings you up. Some of their goodness is bound to rub off…. or that’s what I keep hoping….
Bless ya’ll for listening to me today. I’ll try to do better tomorrow. Show ya some art, or a funny story. Have a good day. Smile at someone, call someone you haven’t talked to in way too long. It’ll make their day. They’ll know someone was thinking about them. That is called a warm fuzzy. It’s a nice present. Share one today, this week. Don’t forget. Doesn’t matter how they receive it…. it could be a bad day for them. But later, it will mean something. You’re not doing it for instant gratitude for yourself.
Sometimes a hug can make my day. I didn’t grow up around huggers. Nope, you could say they were kinda cold. But, I was lucky. In my early 30′s I was around a woman that took notice that it made me uncomfortable. She hugged me anyway. Over and over. Got sick of her, so I hugged her back. Well, that just opened the door… Those huggers got wind of it, and started following me around. Been hugging those fools ever since. big grin…. another one of those presents that doesn’t cost a dime…. doesn’t even need a bow!
OK, this time I’m really gonna shut up. Have a great week….
